It has been a really long time since I have posted something new on here. Now, this is not because I haven’t been writing. I have actually been writing a ton. The last few weeks have been so full of meaningful experience, dramatic pause, heart break, excitement, fun and hard work, that I have been on creativity overload. I have written on scrap paper in Chicago hotels and on my blackberry notepad in San Francisco hospitals. I have written on the plane and from the sandbox watching my children run through the splash pad.

I have written much.
And shared nothing.

Before I had a blog, I wrote for myself. I have notebooks hidden in the top of my closet that I have been keeping since I was a teenager. Filled with stories of love and loss, sometimes so dramatic I laugh at them now, or so dirty, I blush.  I have poems of variations of horrid too many to count.

So, in true writer form, I will break this blogging silence with a post about why I have not written.

Too many things to say versus Nothing to say

The last few weeks have been full….to put it lightly. I have so much to tell you. About my business. About my children and our summer. About my experience in San Fran and watching the filming of (the) Transformers 3 in Chicago. Where do I start? What is important? Where is the good stuff?  I just don’t know.

At the same time….i’ve got nothing. Sometimes writing just comes to me and in ten mintues I have something I know I need to share. That is the good stuff. In all of the adventures I’ve had this month, there is not one that stands out as “I must share this right now”

Worried about saying the wrong thing versus Worried about saying it right and being too much

I must admit, I worry a lot about saying the wrong thing. This is my business blog and a lot of the things that have been happening in my life lately are not very “businessy”. Will I say the wrong thing if I speak about walking on Ashbury and Haight and asking someone to take my picture? Will stores wonder why I wasn’t hard at work at my desk? I don’t know.

And on the other hand, if I get it right, will it be too much? Will telling you how I cried over the sheer possibility of being with my friend when she learned her child might have brain cancer be too much for you? Is this the place to talk about it? if I tell you that I said goodbye to one of the most important people in my life just this week, will you be uncomfortable? Will you get it?

What if it’s perfect versus What if it isn’t perfect

Ok, fine, I am a perfectionist. I stew over these posts. I read them 12 times before I post them and sometimes more. If they don’t make me cry or shout or laugh, I scrap them. The srcap pile is high and growing. If I don’t think this is perfect, you will never see it.

Then again, if it is “perfect” it joins the list of posts that trap me into the need to be “perfect.”  Maybe there is freedom is sucking…

Where’s the passion versus Where’s the blog posts?

Here is the truth. This is the first thing i have written that is about passion and not because I “should write” or because “it is time” or because “that story would make a good blog post”. Screw all of that. Passion is what I am about. It is what Nummies is about. If I don’t care about what you are reading, then I am going to close up this blog and go back to writing for my closet.

So there it is. When was the last time you wrote? Did you share it? How do you find the balance?

And is balance really what passion’s all about?